Not in it to not win it

A few days ago someone phoned me and told me I’d won (been selected to win/might possibly be entered into a draw to win) a day in London, shopping for designer clothes worth up to £8,000 (I think) with a personal shopper who’d advise me on they type of clothes I should be wearing — all I had to do was confirm some details about… we didn’t get that far.

She sounded really shocked when I asked if I would be able to have the money instead or, failing that, vouchers to spend on something useful at the shops in question. Apparently having someone tell me what suits me and traipsing round trying clothes on for the sake of it is supposed to be a fun way of spending a day and I’m a weirdo for thinking it sounds like hell (not that she said so in so many words, but she definitely thought it).

I suppose — had I won and it not just been a marketing ploy — I could have gone, endured the torment, got the clothes, and sold them on eBay for a couple of grand. But I don’t really like London (too crowded and polluted) at the best of times, and a day there clothes shopping sounds even worse than a trip to the hairdresser — and to get some perspective here, I prefer going to the dentist to going to the hairdresser (which is why I do the former twice a year without fail and the latter once a year if I remember). As for having someone tell me what I should be wearing — well, they could try, but if it ain’t black or purple or grey, I’m probably not going to be convinced, or not convinced enough to take any notice.

So thanks but no thanks. I am not your target market, regardless of what the mailing list you bought might suggest.

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Just say ‘yes’

Earlier, following a link from an article on Maria Sharapova, I was reading one of these “12 Celebrities who prove that it’s a bad idea to do drugs” articles. Typically, I’d never heard of half of the celebs featured, but two stuck out: Kate Moss and Keith Richards.

Kate, apparently, is earning less than half what she was making 15 years ago. Yeah, that’ll be down to drugs and have nothing to do with the limited shelf-life of any and every supermodel. The fact that she’s still pulling in several million a year would seem to suggest that drugs haven’t done her career too much harm.

The other was Keith Richards. Yes, Keith Richards! Puh-lease! He’s 72, probably the coolest man in rock since the demise of the incomparable Lemmy, worth £250 million, has spent the last 55 years doing something he loves, gets to be Johnny Depp’s dad in the Pirates of the Caribbean films, and he’s supposed to be an example of why we shouldn’t do drugs?!?

Yup, the article’s convinced me… anyone got any Class As they don’t want?