The “No-Bullsh*t Goody Bag” is full of… um… bullshit.

BullshitI knew from childhood that I didn’t want to have kids, and have never wavered from that. There are a few small children that I like (ones who behave in a reasonably mature way and whose parents treat them more like adults than pets), but in general, I’m not keen… (You all know this already, right? If you know me in person, you surely must; and if your only acquaintance with me is from this blog, then I discussed it here: https://midmus.wordpress.com/2013/07/04/why-ive-never-been-maternal/)

However, if people choose to have kids, that is entirely their own affair. I don’t condemn them for it in the slightest. We are all entitled to do what we wish with our lives and fill them with children, cats, cars, model train sets, iguanas, pot plants, potted plants, plant pots, whatever, just as we see fit.

What does, however, piss me off are parents who think that they should be given special consideration because they have children. Like this bloke, Mike Julianelle, whose teeth I would dearly love to ram down his throat: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mike-julianelle/the-no-bullsht-goody-bag-for-parents-to-give-out-on-planes_b_5578355.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

He objects to the ‘goody bag’ issued by some parents to their fellow passengers as a pre-emptive apology for any bad behaviour their kids might have been guilty of on a long-haul flight. If you don’t know about it, there’s a link in the article cited above. So incensed is he by this rather sweet gesture, that he’s created his own ‘I’m an absolute tosser’ bag to give out, containing:

Drink Coupon: For one warm mug of SHUT THE HELL UP if you ever get the urge to b*tch about a 2-year-old.

Compact Mirror: So you can take a good look at yourself and consider what kind of person gets pissed off at parents traveling with a toddler who’s makingtheir lives much more miserable than he’s making yours.

Pill: It’s either a sleeping pill or Ecstasy. Either way, your mood will improve.

The World’s Smallest Violin (not photographed): For you to play as you’re being whisked through the air at astonishing speeds to someplace far away while watching TV and listening to music through headphones that block out any noise from the toddler a few rows back who has never intentionally annoyed anyone in his entire life (except his parents).

E.T.: Unfortunately, a DVD was too big to fit in a bag, but here’s a few bucks so you can rent the movie when you land and try to remember what it was like to be a kid, you heartless a**hole.

Heartfelt Note: In which I challenge you to a fight by the Hudson News closest to our gate.

So this arrogant idiot thinks that two-year-olds should be given carte blanche as far as behaviour goes, and the rest of us (whether parents or otherwise) should refrain from objecting? That as the toddler is making its parents’ lives a bigger misery, we should feel that our suffering is somehow deserved or at least negligible? And not that maybe, just maybe, those parents should be able to control their child a little better or not subject it to air travel (not a nice experience for toddlers — I remember how the pressure in aeroplane cabins used to hurt my ears even as a ten-year-old) and thus alleviate their own distress as well as that of other passengers and, for heaven’s sake, of the poor unhappy sprog itself.

As for the ‘pill’ — I really really hope that next time he flies, airport security take a long hard look at any potentially illegal drugs Mr Julianelle may be intending dishing out to people he travels with. Makes you wonder what kind of father he is if he thinks drugging people is an acceptable way to get them to behave to his liking. Rohypnol, anyone?

Also, when I fly, I do not want to be obliged to listen to music or watch TV in order to shut out the noise made by a screaming brat. It’s not just that having jangled nerves on my scalp from surgery there some years ago, wearing headphones is physically unpleasant for me, it’s also the principle of the thing. Some of us simply prefer to read or relax — in peace and quiet without being collateral damage in a war of attrition waged intentionally, if Mr J is to be believed, by a fractious ankle-biter on the nerves of its long-suffering but incompetent parents.

I have no idea how watching ET, a film I have never seen, would remind me of being a child. I was already an adult (I think) when that film came out and it never appealed to me. However, if he wishes to give away his cash, for whatever reason, who am I to object?

And the heartfelt note? He wants to set a good example to his child by fighting? By showing that, if you can’t get what you want, the best thing to do is to resort to violence? OK then… Or does he mean a battle of wits or of words? In which case, let us hope he is more gracious in defeat — for it clearly wouldn’t require a champion to demolish his moronic views — than he is in understanding why he’s not a Special Snowflake simply because, aww bless him, he managed to procreate.

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3 thoughts on “The “No-Bullsh*t Goody Bag” is full of… um… bullshit.

  1. I’ve read MJ’s post and on reflection I’m with you in spirit. He’s just a little too smug in his assurance readers will agree who’re the victims of inflight complications.
    Just wasn’t very funny was it?
    Personally, we have had to fly with little ones only a few times and they managed to be fine but the sinking looks on those around us when we boarded was telling.
    Personally, I think loud and unruly kids on a plane isn’t much different from most other problem passengers (talkers, drinkers, biggots, absolutely-not-built-for-economy-size-overspillers etc) in that the anxiety and distress is a reaction to a fear of being trapped close by for the duration of the flight.
    Perhaps the only difference is that people are less liekly to express their displeasure to obnoxious adults directly.
    The original idea is a nice one. Wouldn’t do it myself but I’d accept it happily.

  2. habibilamour says:

    Wow….he is horrible! Have you heard of another douchebag named Matt Walsh? He is less entitled but terrible in his own way.

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